Monday, February 23, 2009

This just in!



Leonardo DiCaprio has decided to leave his supermodel girlfriend for me. I suppose this isn't exactly entirely true, but with a little help from Photoshop Elements, Microsoft Picture It!, and Iphoto it is a pretty convincing story.

In PhotoShop Elements I created two layers (one of the titanic scene and one of myself). I then cut out my face and put it over Kate Winslet's face. I feathered the edges and blurred parts of the image. Then I adjusted the hue and saturation to match the skin tones. Then in Iphoto I added the vingette to a level of six. In Microsoft Picture it! I put a black border around the image for intensity and then added the text.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Good plan.

The human dolphin has gotten wiser since his bong photos surfaced. Apparently pictures are documents that keep a record of everything you do. Like a form of evidence. Who knew? Crazy. The incident has caused Michael to tint all the windows of his Baltimore home, so no paparazzi can catch him hitting the bong in the comfort of his own home. He is also hanging out at strip clubs now because pictures may not be taken there. Whether or not that is good for his image is up for debate. I guess he is over bongs and has moved on to strippers. That will get ya right back on the Frosted Flakes box!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Know Your Rights!

Britney Spears has been immortalized in wax once again! This time for her 2008 VMA appearance. Remember, that was the year when MTV basically gave her awards just for showing up? Unfortunately, I can't post the new wax Britney because I can't seem to find the terms of using that image. So, I present to you the old wax Britney...

(I am free to share and remix this image under the attribution license! Of course, credit must be given to Safriz Photography on Flickr.)

According to Sky News:


Liz Edwards from the waxwork museum said they needed to recreate her 'one more time' because "her original figure captured a provocative pose from her 2001 Dream Within A Dream Tour and was extremely popular. However, she's undergone a huge transformation since then and we wanted to reflect her as she is now."


(Now this text is a little more tricky. Really, I don't think I can even use it. However, in the Terms of Use section entitled "Definitions" the term "home use" is not defined. So I am going to claim that this blog is indeed for my "own personal non-commercial home use" as to be in compliance with Sky News' conditions. If that doesn't fly with Sky News, then I guess they will just send me a take down notice. Anyway, check out the full text here.)


If you're really dying to see what this new wax Britney Spears looks like, then watch this clip. Then take the Britney from this clip, add 15 pounds, give her really bad hair, and dress her in an outfit that looks like a disco ball. There you have it -- the new wax Britney!



(This video was found on archive.org and according to our class discussion, everything on that site is under public domain. However, if Britney were smart enough to find this music video on archive.org and call her lawyers, I'm almost positive it would have to be taken down. You can watch the video here also.)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Yes!

I love this picture. I have to admit that I am a fan of Spencer Pratt. The guy is funny. I like to know what he is up to. And I love that he tips the paparazzi off and poses for pictures. It's brilliant! Making money for smiling. 

Anyway, apparently this photo is extremely damaging to Snoop Dogg's street cred.  Oh well.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Oh my!

Chris Brown was arrested for following in the footsteps of Ike Turner. Nothing has really been confirmed yet about the incident, but Chris is apparently facing up to 9 years in prison. Have fun with that, pal! 

From what I've heard, Chris hit Rihanna because she gave him herpes. I really don't have a reliable source to back that up though. 

I guess we can all stop being excited that Chris Brown is from Virginia. This was really a bad career move for Chris. All of your fans are females... we won't like you if we think you're going to beat us.

My biggest question from all of this is: is Shia Labeouf okay? He used to date Rihanna. I hope he doesn't have herpes. That could really complicate our future relationship. 

Critique


SOLILOQUY was not at all what I expected. It certainly was not like Leonardo DiCaprio’s soliloquy in Romeo and Juliet. A soliloquy, by definition, is supposed to be uninterrupted speech. Kenneth Goldsmith expands this defintion to create his own form of a soliloquy. For an entire week Goldsmith recorded his conversations and made a soliloquy by publishing his contributions in these conversations. Goldsmith’s soliloquy is far from the traditional or expected soliloquy. It doesn’t make sense. It seems to be a series of ramblings that jump from one topic to the next. Every sentence is independent and does not necessarily relate to the sentences that come before or after it.

I chose this electronic text because Goldsmith’s idea was so ridiculous that I found it intriguing. I couldn’t imagine keeping a record of everything I said during an entire week. I also had doubts about the reality of this text – was Goldsmith really going to include everything?

SOLILOQUY is an incredibly random text, but among the randomness the reader learns about Goldsmith as a person. That is what I like about this piece of literature. It is real. Goldsmith is not writing a story for us to read; he is recording everything he said. We learn that Goldsmith is normal. He is a man who encounters people that he will later refer to as assholes, a man who loves his grandmother, and he also has an appreciation for children’s movies and Maculy Culkin. During the week Goldsmith is very work-oriented, and it was long until I began skimming the text looking for curse words, or anything that wasn’t about computers and font sizes. Goldsmith, as I expected, is almost a completely different person on the weekends. He talks about Vegas, makes fun of people, and also speaks about strippers.

The only thing I didn’t like about this text is the actual electronic format. The format is not very reader-friendly. The reader must hover the mouse over a sentence in order to reveal the writing. Those who are very tech—savvy like myself can highlight the entire page to read the entire text at once. I didn’t like having to hover the mouse because I found it hard to keep my place. I started missing large portions of the text and it was frustrating. However, I can see the purpose of having this format. Goldsmith’s soliloquy doesn’t make any sense when read as a normal text. The hover technique reveals one sentence at a time, and that creates a sort of flow. It keeps the sentences separate from each other. In order to have any meaning the sentences need to be read separately. 

Overall, this text was enjoyable because it was an interesting idea. But the format made it difficult to read and it was incredibly lengthy. One person can certainly say a whole lot in one week.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Quickness.

Sheriff Leon Lott Jr. is trying to bust Michael Phelps for hitting the bong. He refuses to turn the blind eye just because someone is a celebrity. Personally, I think he is going after Michael because he is a celebrity. Is he trying to track down everyone else who used this bong? Or even the own of this bong? Maybe he could track down murderers and rapists instead. Cops, pffft.

David Beckham hates the US and wants to leave. Ok... not exactly. Who didn't see this coming? American soccer is weak. LA Galaxy or AC Milan... that isn't a hard decision. If ANY team in Europe wants Beckham, then he should pack his bags and go. He is getting old.

Lindsay Lohan's pathetic excuse for a father has decided to stop blogging. He apparently came across this blog and immediately decided to call it quits.

Scarlett Johansson tried to steal my hair color. She can't pull it off. Needs to find a colorists and go back to being a blonde.

Bret Michaels is crushing on Jennifer Anniston. What will this do to Rock Of Love? Jen should take what she can get at this point.

9 to 5 is going to be on broadway! Isn't that just fantastic?

Michelle Obama's hairstylist of 25 years will not be moving to DC to maintain Michelle's look. That's weird... I didn't think she had a stylist. If a bob is the best cut this "stylist" could come up with, then Michelle is probably better off without her.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

This just in!

Kate has decided to do her next blog post on SOLILOQUY. Look out for that! The guy who wrote it is a celebrity in my mind. His name escapes me though. He isn't an A-lister I guess.




Also... I have decided to add myself to the list of people who will never be made fun of on this site.

love,
KP

Monday, February 2, 2009

Nooooo!

We usually make posts that make fun of celebrities, but of course exceptions will be made. I refuse to ever insult: Leonardo DiCaprio, The Lakers, Sophia Bush, and Manchester United. (Others may be added to this list at any given moment). 

I regret to inform my readers that Andrew Bynum will be out 8 to 12 weeks after tearing a ligament in his right knee.

This is déjà vu for Lakers fans. Bynum suffered a knee injury last January that kept him out for the remainder of the season. Without Bynum, the Lakers lost in the NBA finals. 

What will this loss do to the Lakers this season? Will the Lakers be able to maintain their position as the top team in the west? It seems that Kobe will be the go-to guy from now on this season. What will this pressure do to Kobe? Is there any chance for the Lakers to come back from such a loss?

This is a sad day for Lakers fans.

If you want to see the footage of Bynum's injury, go to youtube. I refuse to put such terrible footage on this site.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Why, Michael? Why?

It's official. Michael Phelps has broken my heart into a million tiny pieces. The greatest Olympian of all time has admitted that it is indeed him in those awful pictures. Why is Michael Phelps bonging it up with some randoms at USC? You are THE GREATEST OLYMPIAN OF ALL TIME. Come on! 


Let KP give you some advice --
When pictures like this surface, maybe you should just try denying that it is you in the picture. I mean... it's a side view. That could be anyone! 

Well I've never heard of marijuana being a performance enhancing drug, so in my eyes Michael Phelps is still the greatest Olympian of all time. Unless someone kills his record in the 2012 Olympics, which he apparently won't be invited to.

We should have seen this coming. He's a Weezy fan. I was just hoping it would have been with Weezy and not some USC randoms.

Michael, I present you with the Jackass Award. Maybe you can display it next to your 14 gold medals, jackass.